much ado about nothing
how i fall asleep.
bunch up the pillow. lie on it, face left, right, centre, no left feels good. hug my limp bolster. it smells, faintly. musty sourish cottony smell. another pillow to cover the torso. in case it gets cold in the night. small cushion over my cool feet. toes cool easy in the tickling breeze.
i don't use a blanket. only when im sleeping away from home. or when im sick. or afraid. it's not so much for the cold. thin sheet a bulwark against night terrors, things that go bump in the night, dreams that sudden wake my eyes open wide, breathing hard, staring blindly at dark nothing. at home im safe from all this. the air of familiarity lies a gentle blanket over my body. i feel safe, therefore i am safe.
im facing the wall. shadows are dancing. carpark light throws silhouttes of phantom cars stealing into lots, dead of the night. they broke their curfew. they're in trouble now. wait til mom/wife/son asks where they've been. the book i just finished reading bumps against my stretching foot. push it back down. something about dragons. nice story. as inventive as it is unreal. im getting too old for fantasy.
i don't dangle any limb over the side of the bed. childhood fear. vision of sleeping haphazardly, an arm limp over the bedside and a hand! shoots out from underneath and clamps tight onto the offending intruding limb with a death grip. curse that stupid scene in Sixth Sense that played out this childish fear exactly how i imagined.
am i asleep yet? i duno. am i just lying with my eyes closed, to see a darker dark than the dark's dark? open your eyes. wait, it looks the same. for a nanosecond i imagine im blind. then i feel my eyes still shut, silly. how long has it been, why am i not asleep yet? im doing everything right, right? this is stupid.
oh wait. maybe im already dreaming. yeah, this is a dream. im dreaming that im trying to fall asleep. wow, this dream is really realistic. pinch. ow. that's it. if im not going to fall asleep im getting up to watch some brainless tv until i fall down.
its when i discover that i cant, indeed, get up, move, or crack a lid open, i finally sigh and turn in my sleep, to face more dreams in the making, of waking.
how i fell asleep.
bunch up the pillow. lie on it, face left, right, centre, no left feels good. hug my limp bolster. it smells, faintly. musty sourish cottony smell. another pillow to cover the torso. in case it gets cold in the night. small cushion over my cool feet. toes cool easy in the tickling breeze.
i don't use a blanket. only when im sleeping away from home. or when im sick. or afraid. it's not so much for the cold. thin sheet a bulwark against night terrors, things that go bump in the night, dreams that sudden wake my eyes open wide, breathing hard, staring blindly at dark nothing. at home im safe from all this. the air of familiarity lies a gentle blanket over my body. i feel safe, therefore i am safe.
im facing the wall. shadows are dancing. carpark light throws silhouttes of phantom cars stealing into lots, dead of the night. they broke their curfew. they're in trouble now. wait til mom/wife/son asks where they've been. the book i just finished reading bumps against my stretching foot. push it back down. something about dragons. nice story. as inventive as it is unreal. im getting too old for fantasy.
i don't dangle any limb over the side of the bed. childhood fear. vision of sleeping haphazardly, an arm limp over the bedside and a hand! shoots out from underneath and clamps tight onto the offending intruding limb with a death grip. curse that stupid scene in Sixth Sense that played out this childish fear exactly how i imagined.
am i asleep yet? i duno. am i just lying with my eyes closed, to see a darker dark than the dark's dark? open your eyes. wait, it looks the same. for a nanosecond i imagine im blind. then i feel my eyes still shut, silly. how long has it been, why am i not asleep yet? im doing everything right, right? this is stupid.
oh wait. maybe im already dreaming. yeah, this is a dream. im dreaming that im trying to fall asleep. wow, this dream is really realistic. pinch. ow. that's it. if im not going to fall asleep im getting up to watch some brainless tv until i fall down.
its when i discover that i cant, indeed, get up, move, or crack a lid open, i finally sigh and turn in my sleep, to face more dreams in the making, of waking.
how i fell asleep.
posted by daa | 11:22 pm
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