death toll

has reached 55,175 bodies and counting. it's the biggest earthquake in 40 years, underwater and giving rise to what the news dubs 'killer waves'. even after reading all the news and watching the destruction and bodies piling up on tv, it seems unimaginable. the numbers begin to lose all sense of meaning when it keeps climbing. and we had a narrow escape.

from CNA:-

"Singapore, a densely-populated, economically vibrant but tiny island at the foot of the Malaysian peninsular, escaped the tsunamis altogether."

"If the epicentre of the quake had been a little further north, above Sumatra's tip, the tsunamis could possibly have been funneled down the narrow Malacca Strait, one of the world's busiest shipping lanes, which separates Sumatra from Malaysia and Singapore."

u don't often find me commenting on things happening in the outside world. maybe im a turtle on a mountain (or island), sheltered brat. i used to give the excuse that i don't watch news because after a time i just find it depressing. it disturbs me, the massive numbers sick, bombed, starving, drowning, dying. in some subtle way i feel even unfair that we've never had a major crisis, SARS aside. in some subtle way i wonder why i deserve to be alive when all these others are dead and dying. it's stupid and useless but i just feel disturbed and i cant shake it off.

if i could do something about it, i would.

donations are being collected. a friend sent an sms canvassing clothes, food, and medicine to 19 Dalhousie Lane (behind Tekka Mall) to Sri Lanka.

part of me, too, marvels at the spirit that the entire world is showing in putting its hands together to offer help and aid in this time of unmitigated disaster. if we could all work together in a time like this, why do we ahve to fight ourselves senseless about other trivial stuff like land, money, oil, water? what next, fight for air to breathe?

if only it doesn't take a senseless act of destruction before the rosier side of human nature struggles through.

much ado about nothing

how i fall asleep.

bunch up the pillow. lie on it, face left, right, centre, no left feels good. hug my limp bolster. it smells, faintly. musty sourish cottony smell. another pillow to cover the torso. in case it gets cold in the night. small cushion over my cool feet. toes cool easy in the tickling breeze.

i don't use a blanket. only when im sleeping away from home. or when im sick. or afraid. it's not so much for the cold. thin sheet a bulwark against night terrors, things that go bump in the night, dreams that sudden wake my eyes open wide, breathing hard, staring blindly at dark nothing. at home im safe from all this. the air of familiarity lies a gentle blanket over my body. i feel safe, therefore i am safe.

im facing the wall. shadows are dancing. carpark light throws silhouttes of phantom cars stealing into lots, dead of the night. they broke their curfew. they're in trouble now. wait til mom/wife/son asks where they've been. the book i just finished reading bumps against my stretching foot. push it back down. something about dragons. nice story. as inventive as it is unreal. im getting too old for fantasy.

i don't dangle any limb over the side of the bed. childhood fear. vision of sleeping haphazardly, an arm limp over the bedside and a hand! shoots out from underneath and clamps tight onto the offending intruding limb with a death grip. curse that stupid scene in Sixth Sense that played out this childish fear exactly how i imagined.

am i asleep yet? i duno. am i just lying with my eyes closed, to see a darker dark than the dark's dark? open your eyes. wait, it looks the same. for a nanosecond i imagine im blind. then i feel my eyes still shut, silly. how long has it been, why am i not asleep yet? im doing everything right, right? this is stupid.

oh wait. maybe im already dreaming. yeah, this is a dream. im dreaming that im trying to fall asleep. wow, this dream is really realistic. pinch. ow. that's it. if im not going to fall asleep im getting up to watch some brainless tv until i fall down.

its when i discover that i cant, indeed, get up, move, or crack a lid open, i finally sigh and turn in my sleep, to face more dreams in the making, of waking.

how i fell asleep.

i went hiking..

.. last week. and let me get some things straight. hiking is NOT fun, it is NOT exciting, and it is NOT (very) interesting.

i was proud of myself though. aching, yes. exhausted, true. but i survived the gruelling 10.9 kilometre trek through the rough (?) terrains of macritchie reservoir trail all the way to bukit timah hill. along the way we saw trees, trees and more trees; a site with broken down houses; creepers (moving and non moving) and were accosted by several dozen monkeys - two prides of them, one in the jungle, one basking along the road. the first pack happily posed for pictures; the second were lazily grooming and i got almost-attacked by one cheeky fella. it was a bit scary when he bared his teeth and acted like he was gonna bite, but i bared my teeth right back and stamped my foot before turning tail and scooting off.

J bullied me! i duno what came over me to agree to a ten km hike. not only did he push me to complete the whole track, threaten to abandon me in the jungle when i said i can't go further, lead me through mud and sand and blood sucking mozzies.. he also got us lost, amazingly not in the jungle but in HDB suburbs He also brought me to SPCA.. fifteen minutes after it was closed for the day. and we took the wrong bus and had to walk and walk and walk. and this is on top of the hike. i was so tired, i was half laughing and/or crying and he had the cheek to smile beatifically.. and he wouldn't even let me sleep in the bus.

well sue me for falling for his harebrained schemes. don't get me wrong, i don't hate him - though i've said that to him often enough, usually when i'm dead tired and caught in the middle of one of his bright plans. nah, i'm fond of the stupid guy. but i swear, the next time he tries to pull off something like this on me, i'll kill him.

and to my horror i find myself suspecting it's gonna happen very soon.. J now wants to climb bukit timah hill and explore the quarries.. stay tuned for the next update if so.. and don't say i didn't warn him..

SG Idol

I never thought i'd say this but 3 amazing things happened tonite.
(1) i watched singapore idol
(2) i voted for taufik
(3) TAUFIK WON!!!

hahaha.. call me a sucker but i really liked his singing.. in e heat of the moment me and a friend even declared we'll try out for the next one, as if.. well maybe just for the fun of it, lols.

R: My palms were sweating when they were gonna announce.
i was SO scared he (sly) will win!
den me n El were on e phone n she said she was shivering!!
n when taufik won i threw a cushion at e tv i was so excited!!!
LOLS
n ellie was screaming... crazy sia

S: so u sia!!

oh.. e evils of television.. so it's gotten to me, too.. must be the end of the world. but who cares, if we're gonna entertain ourselves to death, we might as well enjoy it..