earthquake

today, i was listening to music on the radio while drawing up the month's accounts. when the news highlights came on, i nearly switched stations, but something made me listen.

"..earthquake of 7.2 on the Richter scale has hit the north prefecture of Japan, mainland Tokyo, injuring 30 people. A tsunami warning has been issued.."

or words to that effect. my heart jolted and practically stopped; i literally gasped. the next thing i knew i flew to grab my phone and was frantically messaging k. he'd just reached tokyo last friday for a holiday and i didn't know if he was still there.

for the next ten minutes as i waited tensely for a reply, i started thinking how nobody is safe in this world, no matter where we are or how safe our country's supposed to be. Few days back on tv, i watched in dismay as newly enforced armed security officers patrolled MRT platforms and cars, their measured pace and unwavering gaze seeming to inspire more dread than feelings of safety. even their too ernest attempts to scowl menacingly, which looked more constipated than fierce, couldn't distract me from the declaration that they were licensed to shoot to kill. if they thought you looked like a terrorist that is. or a suicide bomber. (if they did shoot a suicide bomber, won't he just blow up in all our faces anyway?)

the point is, i can no longer pretend that news that doesn't interest me, doesn't concern me. as safe as safe can be. it's never safe enough. 'it's just a matter of when it will happen, not if,' said J. this profoundly disturbed me. it's not that i have been so naive as to think we will never have any disasters befalling us. i just don't like to think about it. but with revolver-carrying-shoot-to-kill-policemen striding around when i take the train, i don't see how i can avoid speculating about the day their services will actually be called for. worse; if the sight will one day be just the norm. i said i liked a clockwork orange. but in my worst dreams i don't want to live in such a world.

i once said i don't watch the news cos it depresses me and i feel helpless in the face of suffering. but maybe the least i can do is to be aware of what's happening around me.. i can't be no *'katak bawah tempurung' no more. *malay proverb; lit. 'frog under coconut shell'; refers to someone who is ignorant (doesn't know, doesn't care?) of everything else outside his own self-contained world.

cos how can i ignore what goes on in the world when i have people i love in countries other than my own..?

ten minutes. k beeped. said he only just left tokyo and is back in nagoya. safe. even then he felt tremors there. but safe, safe.. thank god.

they say ignorance is bliss. is it, really?