tiredness is a state of mind

when i was working ten plus hour days and the occasional weekend at BG, my old company, i frequently felt sick and tired and sometimes dreaded going to work and sometimes faked sick to avoid going to work (or more likely, really feLL sick from overwork). the job scope was physically tiring but mentally unchallenging and i suffered as much from mental fatigue as a strain on the physique. as such, i was frequently bored, and worse, i was bored, and tired.

last week, thursday, i switched to my current job. for two days there was nothing to do; i read magazines and practised hiphop dancing for xmas idol competition this week. yeah, lame, i know. we lost miserably; the stage was a quarter size of the room we practised in and the song was wrongly remixed to be shorter. we made an impressive entrance but that was about it. lols. it was an experience nonetheless. i was terrified up to a second before we went on; then the (last minute) training took over and though steps were missed and feet stepped on (mine; ouch), it ended unbelievingly fast and i almost wished it'd been longer. almost.

i digress. as i was saying. no work on thursday. no work on friday. i was bored out of my mind. 4 pm friday i resorted to asking my mgr for work. little did i know. about 15 minutes after that (idiotic) sms to the mgr, i got my schedule for trailers for xmas. airing this sunday and monday. to be out last sunday and monday. and it was 5 pm last friday when i knew this.

basically, i worked last saturday. and sunday. and came early this monday. and went back at two am last night. all rushing the two trailers. and i'm still not done. they are airing tomorrow and i am packaging it and sending to transmission TOMORROW.

in the midst of stretches of drawn out editing, trying to rush it done before the next editor's slotted turn in the room and i'm booted out, i was alternately crazily rushing and next, woefully at loose ends as i waited my next turn in the edit suite, with nothing to do but read blogs, magazines, msn.

this is throwing me way off balance. hour&a half long lunches and hour long tea breaks in between 14 hour long days. way too busy and slack at the same time.

i'm tired. but i think i'm alright. better, i'm quite happy. because in this job, i have to write my own script, find my own beautiful shots even if the show looks like crap, select my own nice music and cut my own interesting trailers.

ah, what self-importance. my brain is stimulated and i am happy. whip me like a draft horse if u like but if u give me something to think about, a semblance of independant thinking in my job, i will be happy.

and they said we've abolished slavery a long time ago. nonsense; they just call it work now. with incrementally better wages to make up for sucking your life up.

hahaha. i've just wasted an hour tryping a meaningless entry. yup, i'm in my slack period. i shall go home in ten minutes. and be in by 830 tomorrow. hurray.