Fish

familiar faces i see everyday
blur into a mass of warmth
i seek a white hot point of passion-sorrow
put my finger on it, hesitate
think, take it off.

i sit and stare and try to feel
what it is like to be normal
to be uncomplicated simple
to think what i say
do what i feel
see what i touch
fly where i walk

i grasp with yearning fingers
love slipping, shying, beckoning lying
i take without asking, give without taking
no expression

drowning in the same old pool of shards
pieces of my old broken heart
rippling, joining
back into a seamless reflecting mirror
untold depths of a still pond
lurking terrors and undone miseries

bottom up, swim small weaving fishes of hope.
looking at the far sun, grateful for its warmth
taking what mere chances they get
to live
to love
to hope
above.

i sigh and put on my shoes
turning, i walk away
from the splashing golden fish in the pond
i'm going to the neverending sea
to try my luck there instead.