shoulds

im awake
when i should be sleeping

im alert
when i should be resting

im thinking
when i should be silent

im silent
when i should be speaking

im looking
when i should be seeing

im hearing
when i should be listening

im feeling
when i should be doing

im afraid
when i should be brave

im risking
when i should be daring

im wondering
when i should be knowing,
why,
of all the should-s and shouldn't-s,
could i not have it all my way?

being a victim of my own,
should suck
yet somehow
because i choose to
i live my life of shoulds
regretting should nots
all the time wishing

i just could.